Healing Rosalie
by Vaneria Potter
Summary: Summary: "I'll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him grey-haired at my side, watching our children play." What if someone actually talked to Rosalie about her experiences? The path to healing is not always easy. SSC 'JUDGE'S CHOICE' WINNER!


_Disclaimer: Characters are SM's._

_Summary: "I'll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him grey-haired at my side, watching our children play." What if someone actually talked to Rosalie about her experiences? What if they made her look at things another way? One-Shot._

_Beta: lost in his golden eyes_

_Beta: luinvinial_

**

* * *

**

Healing Rosalie

I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for trying to talk Bella out of being turned. Yes, she was throwing away a thousand opportunities that she was sure to regret not having, but it was also clear what she wanted, and she was Edward's Mate. They deserved happiness as much as the rest of us did.

Memories, those memories in particular, were always painful to dredge up .So even with my vampire senses, I nearly missed the couch, sinking slightly as Esme sat down beside me. "How are you feeling?"

That was what I loved most about Esme. As Edward said, Esme had a great capacity for love, and in many ways, she was more a mother to me than the woman who gave me life. "What is there to talk about? I told Bella my story, and she still wants to become a vampire, even though it means that she will never have children or grow old with a husband."

I sighed, shifting restlessly out of habit as I stared off into the distance. "I love Emmett, but I can't let go of the life I would have had."

"Would you really?"

What? For a simple question, that was more than a little vague. "What do you mean, 'Would I really'? Have I tried to let go? Would I go back and change it?"

Esme shook her head. "No. Would you have had the life you dreamed of?"

We all looked to Carlisle, with his centuries of experience, for wisdom. But we often overlooked Esme, who always gave good advice if you asked. Most of the time, anyway, this was just confusing. "Yes. Why wouldn't I?"

Esme sighed in the way that indicated that she was thinking of her own Human life. "You want a happy life with a good man who would be faithful and give you lots of children to love and raise. Would Royce King have been that kind of man? When you found out his true nature, could you see yourself marrying him?"

That was a stupid question! Esme had suffered years of abuse from her own husband. How could she ask me that? "Of course I couldn't! Why do you even need to ask if I could go through with marrying that bastard? Royce is the last man in the world that I would ever marry!"

I could almost hear Esme raise an eyebrow. "Would you have had a choice, Rosalie? I didn't want to marry Charles, even if I hadn't loved Carlisle since I laid eyes on him."

I opened my mouth to rant that of course I would have had a choice, nothing could force me to marry that monster, but closed it again, thinking the question over. My parents were social climbers, and my mother had made no secret of the fact that my marriage into the King family was their way to the top. I hoped otherwise, but would they have let me break off the engagement, risking the scandal? There was no DNA testing back then, and it would have been my word against that of Royce and his friends, probably dismissed as hysteria or wanting attention. Royce was not a good man. "I…"

Esme didn't need heightened senses to sense my uncertainty of the answer. "I went to my family when Charles started abusing me. They said that I should be a better wife, that I shouldn't make him angry, and sent me right back. I had nowhere else to go, and Charles would never have simply let me leave."

Esme was right. Royce would never have let me go. He wanted a beautiful trophy wife, and would probably just take a mistress on the side, if I tried to refuse him. If I was lucky, he might have been discreet about it, and not flaunted the hussy in my face. But he never would have freed me from our engagement. If I had spoken against him, Royce would have spread rumours and tales about my 'supposed' rape, until I had no reputation and no-one would ever marry me, if my parents didn't cast me out first, to save their own good name. I would have been trapped in an existence a thousand times more miserable than the existence of a vampire. Royce would never have been faithful, and I would not have had a happy marriage.

But Esme had escaped. She had found the strength to get away. Suddenly, I felt very much like a young child, seeking comfort from a parent, who would make everything alright again. "How did you survive? You managed to escape, and build your own life."

There was an eternal sorrow in my almost-mother's voice. "I found out I was pregnant, and knew that I couldn't let Charles know about it. My son was my reason for surviving, and my motivation for escape."

Esme's son. The child I wanted. I studied medicine once, and I knew that the kind of injuries that I had sustained in Royce's attack had left many women struggling, if not unable, to conceive. Children would have been the loveliest part of my dream, but how could I have brought them into a life with a mother who would have been little more than a porcelain doll, and a father that would make them fear for their lives every time he over-indulged in drinking? Would I even have children in the first place, or would Royce go to a mistress or maid once he had an heir? I would not have had a house ringing with the laughter of children.

I could not find a reply to Esme's statement, but she continued. "When my son died, I lost my dreams, my hope for the future, and the pain drove me to take my own life." Suddenly her eyes filled with boundless love, and a smile blossomed over her face, the same one that graced my own lips when I thought of Emmett. I must have looked shocked at my epiphany, but Esme pretended not to notice. "Then Carlisle found me, and even though he had a companion, and hated the idea of taking a life, he changed me, and became the centre of my life."

I had despaired of this life as a vampire, and still did, but I would never deny that things became better after Emmett joined us. I never wanted to condemn another to this life, but when I found a man resembling nothing so much as dinner, I resisted his blood as I ran hundreds of miles to beg Carlisle to save him.

I had never looked at it from this angle. It wasn't the loss of my humanity, but the loss of my dreams that had caused the pain and bitterness that I had clung to in my new life, heightened by my insecurity when Edward didn't want me. I had so much to be thankful for, but I was so caught up in what I had lost, that I didn't truly appreciate what I had.

For the first time since the beginning of our conversation, I turned to look at the woman who loved us all without reserve. Esme was born to be a mother, even if she never had the chance to raise her own son, or to grow old with a good man, or to see her grandchildren. She never let those things stop her, taking us into her heart as though we were her own. I never had the chance to find out what I was meant to be, but I'm sure that I wasn't born to become a miserable harpy. Why had I never seen this before? Emmett was a good man, all that I could have wished for in a husband. He would never stray, and he would always love me. We would never have children, but I could live with that; Heaven knew that Emmett could be very much a child himself at times.

For the first time in what seemed to be far too long, I gave a genuine smile and went to look for the centre of _my_ existence. "You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you… Mama."

* * *

Emmett was waiting for me in our room.

He knew that talking to Bella would have been hard for me, and had almost certainly overheard the conversation with Esme. He had anticipated that I would be upset, and was waiting to help in any way he could. My husband could be boisterous, and sometimes had all the tact and subtlety of a rampaging grizzly, but he was also gentle and perceptive when it came to the needs of those he cared about.

How many times had I overlooked the many tiny things he did for me, too busy feeling sorry for my existence? I caught his eyes, and the gentle concern in them melted my stone, unbeating heart. "I love you, Emmett. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough. You are my reason for existing."

Emmett grinned, his dimples showing, and I fell in love with him all over again. "I knew that, Rose, even when you didn't. I love you, too."


End file.
